Lloyd Lofthouse

SECOND SHOT

The Patriot Oath’s Chapter 3 from Rachel’s POV

The original chapter is in Josh’s POV.

This is the 1st Reader Magnet for The Josh Kavanagh Thriller Series

 Suki entered the dining room, looking excited for the first time since the assault. “He’s here!” she said, her voice animated. The chatter around the table stopped.

Rachel thought, Who got her excited like that?

The only empty chairs at the table were for Suki and Sammy. It made little sense that Suki’s brother arriving late would excite her. He ran the ranch instead of his father Ash, who, at 64, was semi-retired. Sammy was often late and sometimes didn’t show up at all. Running their fourth-generation, 25,000-acre Montana ranch was a demanding job.

Suki slipped into her chair across the table from Rachel. She sighed like a lovesick puppy before bouncing out of her seat and leaving the room again. Seeing Suki so lively pleased Rachel, but that didn’t stop her from asking, “What’s going on?”

No answer. Judith, Ash, and Mel avoided eye contact, looking guilty. Morgan and Wyatt, her twins, shrugged. They didn’t know.

Thinking about them reminded her of the challenges she’d faced, being a single mom and having to work two jobs to make ends meet. Luke, their stepfather, didn’t count, since he turned out to be the worst father and husband ever. He’d been a lazy, abusive drunk who gambled away most of what he earned as a mechanic. She’d put up with him until the day he’d called Morgan and Wyatt bastards. They were seven years old! Angry, she’d protested. That fucking shitstain punched her, leaving bruises.

Marrying him had been the worst decision of her life. Divorcing him the best.

Still, she was curious. Something was afoot, and she wanted to know what it was.

Leaving the table, Rachel hurried into the living room, where she saw Suki at one of the front windows, peeking out. Rachel thought of the long hours she’d spent in Suki’s room after she had been sexually assaulted. Struggling to hand feed… more like force feed… her almost catatonic best friend bowls of soup.

“Who’s coming to dinner?” she asked, wondering if Suki had met a guy. He’d have to be a miracle worker to break through the protective shell she’d built since the rape.

Started, Suki turned, staring at her. Shock etching on her face. “Oh, shit! I fucked up. It’s supposed to be a surprise.”

“For Christ’s sake,” Rachel said, sneaking a look between the dusty blinds. All she saw was Sammy standing by the driver’s door of the old Chevy he had been fixing, the one that had belonged to his grandfather. She noticed the pickup had new tires and expensive rims. She was pretty sure they hadn’t been on the truck that morning. Was that what excited Suki? she thought. No way… Suki was too sensible to be thrilled about toys for boys.

Sammy was staring toward that cherry tree on the northwest side of the house near the back, where Josh had carved their initials with 4EVER beneath them. They’d been 16 then, sophomores in high school, and lovers.

The blood rushed out of Rache’s head as she pieced the clues together. Suki was excited. Ash, Judith, and Mel avoiding eye contact. Sammy staring at her 4EVER tree.

“Holy Fuck!” She’d given up dreaming a long time ago that he’d come home. The saying “Better late than never” didn’t apply to 4EVER.

Why had she thought he was going to be her hero and rescue her? The only excuse. She’d been stupid-in-love back then. Where was he when she’d been up all night during her college years, changing diapers and walking her babies to calm them down, to get them to sleep? Trying not to wake up the rest of the Kavanagh family, since she’d still been living with them then.

When Josh joined the Marines in ‘94, he’d promised to come back for her. When he didn’t, her life had turned to shit. Pregnant. Called a slut by her mother who threw her out of the house, abandoning her.

Not a word from Josh for twenty-four years, so she doubted it might be him. If he had died in combat, she could’ve moved on. Instead, it seemed like he had vanished to Mars, never to return. The shrine in Suki’s bedroom revealed Josh’s military journey, depicting his rise through the ranks and the battles he’d fought in around the globe.

Maybe if Josh had married someone else, that would’ve helped her get over him. Still, as long as he was alive and single, she kept hoping–until the day she’d read on one of Suki’s walls that he’d left the Green Berets for Delta Force with its highly classified, special units that were sent on the most dangerous missions in the world. To her, that signaled a death sentence for him and a reason to keep dreaming.

“I’m sorry,” she heard Suki say beside her. “It should have surprised you both. He doesn’t know you’re here. We hoped…”

Rachel stared at her. What? It couldn’t be him. No way. Still, he’d been the only man she’d ever loved. How did you put a lid on that? Maybe it was. She had to find out.

With eyes blurry from unexpected tears and trouble breathing, Rachel left the house to make sure. Staying in the veranda’s shadows, she rounded the corner and saw Sammy and another man with his back to her. Then he said something in a voice that sounded like Josh. It couldn’t be him. No way! Maybe Suki feel for a guy that reminded her of her long-gone brother.

Except this guy was referring to Josh’s favorite song from high school. One he sang to Rachel so many times, she started plugging her ears with lightweight reusable ear protection. Thank God, he’d never noticed the flesh-colored earplugs. Nobody did. Back then, he also played the guitar. Rachel wondered if he still did. Since she’d arrived in the middle of this conversation, she’d missed some of it, but it was apparent they’d been talking about her.

“Then why did you leave like you did?” she heard Sammy ask, proving it was Josh.

Good question, she thought, wanting to hear the answer. Her knees trembling, she left the shadows of the covered walkway and entered the sunlight, arriving behind Sammy to hear Josh recall, “I saw her for the first time in second grade. That’s when I knew she was special.”

Fucking liar, she thought. There was nothing special about me. “Asshole!” Rachel growled, losing control as all that pent up anger rushed from her broken heart into her mouth. “We were in high school the first time you sang that ‘Achy Breaky’ Billy Ray Cyrus song to me. Back then, I thought it was cute. I was stupid to trust you.”

Josh turned; his copper-colored complexion turning ruddy. “When I used those words just now, I wasn’t thinking about the song, Rachel.”

With more tears blurring her vision, she couldn’t make out his features, taking away her advantage. It had always been easy for her to read his mind through his eyes. God, she’d loved looking at those his eyes. She’d get a warm fuzzy feeling and hear Dolly Parton singing “I Will Always Love You.”

“What do you think I am,” she said, letting the anger speak for her, “a filly on the auction block? Or maybe you think I’m a broodmare. I should poke your eyeballs out.” When he’d carved 4EVER in their tree, he swore that was the symbol of their undying love.

The only love she’d known.

Hell, until she was old enough for kindergarten, she’d lived mostly with her aging grandmother, because her mother decided the old woman couldn’t be left alone. For four years, until second grade, Rachel was the cranky old woman’s caretaker. Until gram died, she hand-fed her and changed her adult diapers. The old woman’s mind was gone by then, and she didn’t recognize her own granddaughter.

Josh’s silence told her what he might be thinking, so she blurted out, “Yea, you broke that promise, too, dickhead,” and the harshness in her voice sounded mean, just like her mother.

“You always could read my mind,” he replied, revealing he knew what she was talking about.

“What shit bucket full of bunk are you going to dump on me now?” She wanted to stop, but couldn’t. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I want to know about the other women.” She didn’t know how many women he’d been with. Probably dozens! Jealousy colored her cheeks; self-reproach followed.

Then she remembered the first time a high school senior grabbed her 13-year-old daughter Morgan where he shouldn’t have. At the time she’d wished Josh been there to deal with that idiot and his brutish father, who said, “Boys will be boys.”

“What I did between boot camp in 1994 and today is history,” he said. “It’s none of your business, just like what you did with your life isn’t mine.”

She still couldn’t see him clearly and managed to keep her mouth shut this time. All she knew about him was on Suki’s wall. While she could fill books about the tragedies and hardships of her life.

“I can’t go back and fix it,” Josh continued. “Before I left on that bus to MCRD, I called your house and recorded a message on the answering machine.”

The rage returned. “You’re dumb as a rock.” She wanted him to hurt like she had and felt guilty about it at the same time. “You knew that machine was broken.”

She heard him stammer, “I… must have forgot.”

“I think we should go inside,” Sammy said.

“Shut up!” she shouted. “You and the rest of your family tricked me. I’ll take care of you all later.” She hated losing control. Sammy didn’t deserve her anger–but Josh did.

She approached Josh, stopping an arm’s length away, noticing for the first time how much he’d aged, revealing what life in the military had done to him. Then she remembered the boy she’d loved, and the day some bullies stopped tormenting her. Those assholes were the reason she’d carried a Buck knife and pepper spray.

Later, her friends told her Josh confronted them. By then, Josh had a reputation as a fighter who didn’t back down. Didn’t give up. Who fought dirty. And he hated bullies. That explained why they’d stopped tormenting her.

“Until today,” he said, “I didn’t know I was the father of your children.”

“You never wrote one fucking letter to anyone after you left, twit!” She responded.

“Jesus, Rachel,” he said. “I was eighteen and naturally stupid. I made mistakes like most kids at that age. You could have learned from the Marines how to contact me. I deserved that much. I would’ve come home the first chance I got.”

“I was also eighteen, or did you forget that, too? Why was the responsibility of being rational and doing the right thing placed on me? Since I didn’t have an abortion, do you think that was a mistake, too?”

She regretted saying those last words and almost said she was sorry until another voice in her head said, ‘Don’t. Big mistake! You’ll get hurt again.’ That voice had warned her about Luke, and she’d ignored it, thinking he’d provide financial security.

“What are our children’s names?” he asked.

With her thoughts interrupted, she stared, frozen in the moment.

“I hope our son doesn’t have Earp as his middle name?”

Of course, he’d say the wrong thing, she thought. Dickhead! “How dare you talk about the names I gave our children while you were off playing GI Joe.”

“How could you?” he said.

“Blame it on anger,” she replied, seeing that her words were finally stinging him.

“Why didn’t you want them to know about me?” he asked.

Why didn’t you come back, fool? She thought, and said, “When you’re eighteen, you do stupid things.”

He flinched. She grinned.

“I’d never change anything that happened between us since the first time I saw you,” he said. “For me, it was love from the start. I made a horrible mistake leaving like I did.”

“You never give up, do you? If that love failed to bring you back to me, how can I trust you now?”

Then he said, "I’ll make it right, marry me!” 

Really, she thought, you think telling me that is going to fix everything? Those were the same words Luke used on their third date, after she said no to sex, and he forced her anyway. Out of financial desperation, she’d ignored her gut telling her to break up with him. He had a good job and paid her utility bills twice when she was short of cash.

“I don’t need to hear this.” She heard Sammy say.

“I’m not going to give up,” Josh said to her. “I’m going to win you back.”

She moved two steps closer, looking up because he was about a foot taller than her. “We’ll have to wait and see, won’t we?”

She noticed him staring at her lips, and knew he was thinking about stealing a kiss. After all, he was a man. Then she saw him reaching out to run his fingers through her hair, like he used to do. And without thinking, she kneed him in the groin.

Time slowed. Wow, she thought, who does that kind of shit… kicks a man in the balls for just wanting to touch her hair? Spinning around after decking him, she retreated, while that other voice in her head said, ‘That was too easy.’

She’d read on Suki’s wall about him winning competitions in mixed martial arts. He must have let her hit him. Back in high school, when she was pissed about something, he’d let her punch him. Did that mean he still loved her like he claimed?

Rounding the house, she paused, pressed against the wall, listening intently. She had discovered early on that boys were more candid when girls were absent.

The first thing she heard was Josh’s laughter. He didn’t sound like someone in pain. Had he been faking it?

Then he asked, “Sammy, after she turned her back on me, did you notice if she was grinning?”

“Are you going to be okay?” Sammy replied.

“I want to be alone,” Josh said, his voice turning thoughtful.

Shit, Rachel thought and hurried into the house so Sammy wouldn’t catch her snooping. The empty front room was gloomy. She turned right and headed toward a door set in that wall leading to the bedroom she’d used when she lived here. Now it was filled with boxes and discards.

When she reached the one window, she pulled the dusty blinds back just enough to see Josh on his back with his arms spread out, forming the shape of a cross, looking theatrical. She stifled a laugh.

Damn, she’d give anything to hear what he was thinking. She saw his lips moving and cupped an ear against the glass, barely making out the words as he said, “The Good Lord knows that love is both bliss and agony. What do you think about that?”

For a moment, she thought he knew she was watching and had asked her. Then she realized he was talking to the tree, and her face flushed.

That’s what she’d done over the years. When she was alone, she’d talk to that damn tree just like he was doing now. She’d found a small slice of peace doing that.

Then she saw him roll over and use the tree as support to climb to his feet. Once he was standing, he leaned forward and kissed her initials carved into the bark. Why did he have to do that? she thought.

Before leaving the room, she waited to calm down. If her son and daughter hadn’t been here, it would’ve been easier to leave, but she owed her children an explanation for hiding who their father was from them.

She didn’t know what she was going to do about Josh’s proposal. She’d been a loner for years, avoiding men, ever since the divorce and that disastrous one-night stand with a stranger after she was free again. That was the last time she’d allowed herself to get drunk.

What was she going to say to her son and daughter about Josh before he walked into their lives? When they’d been children, they’d asked her who their father was. They knew it wasn’t Luke. She’d been curt. “I will not discuss him.” After a while, they stopped asking.

Would Morgan and Wyatt forgive her when they learned Josh was their father? Still, they had to hear it from her first. She knew Josh’s parents would support her like they had for years, keeping her secret. If it hadn’t been for them, she didn’t know what she would’ve done to survive. After her mother threw her out for being unwed and pregnant, Josh’s parents helped her get through college, enabling her to become a teacher.

Closing her eyes, she saw him kissing her initials again. Why must life be so complex? She thought.

Using a sleeve to wipe away any evidence of tears, she stood taller, took a deep breath for strength, and entered the dining room, ready to tell her children they were about to meet their father.